15 Pies From the Library’s Menu to Celebrate Pi Day
Posted on March 14, 2024
by Eric P
Every year on March 14, people commemorate Pi Day as a recognition of π, the mathematical constant commonly truncated as 3.14. Some people have a lot of time on their hands, or maybe they just really want an excuse to eat pie. Here at the Library, we were eager to celebrate the occasion with a delicious array of pies until someone pointed out that we’re a library and don’t have pies, and that bummed everyone out for a while. So instead we’re offering the following menu of Library materials that spotlight the classic baked good in its every capacity, from delicious to revolting.
Little Jack Horner
We’re pleased to offer this classic pie in the tradition of Little Jack Horner, whose passionate love of pie-eating was second only to his other hobby, corner-sitting. You may object that this pie, filled as it is with unwieldy intact plums, is difficult to eat, but y’know what, maybe that’s what you get for eating it with your thumbs.
Sing a Song of Sixpence
Normally it’s recommended that you bake your pie until it reaches an internal temperature of 165°F or at least until its ingredients stop singing. But seriously, you try to heat something through evenly when it’s stuffed with two dozen blackbirds.
Tale of the Pie and the Patty-Pan
Today’s special: mouse pie. No substitutions.
Titus Andronicus
ebook | hoopla | hoopla audio | DVD
Revenge is best served cold, and family members are best served with gravy and a flaky pastry crust.
On the Road
Kerouac wrote that almost all he ate on his travels was apple pie and ice cream. Doctors caution that following this diet could lead to elevated cholesterol and spontaneous prose.
American Pie
Looking for a pie for a big appetite? This one’s huge. It’s over eight minutes long! I mean, that’s almost how long it takes to bake a pie.
Sweeney Todd
This is an old-school pie that tastes like your favorite neighbor’s cooking. Or maybe just like your favorite neighbor.
“Cherry Pie”
The taste will make a grown man cry. The metaphor will make a grown man uncomfortable.
The Help
eBook | eAudio | Hoopla video | Book on CD | DVD
Diners with allergies should be aware that this pie was prepared in a kitchen environment where it may have come into contact with milk, nuts, wheat, or vengeance.
Different Seasons
Pie-eating contests sound like they could be fun and delicious. But then, this is a Stephen King story. I mean, dogs sound sweet and cuddly, but in a Stephen King story not so much. So if you’re in a Stephen King story, avoid pie-eating contests and dogs. Actually, if you’re in a Stephen King story maybe just avoid everything.
Twin Peaks
This is some mighty fine cherry pie straight from the Double R Diner. Order it plain, a la mode, or a la prophetic dream sequence.
Waitress
This pie isn’t just dessert — it’s a plan to get out of an unhappy marriage. Which sounds unreliable but hey, at least it’s cheaper than a lawyer.
Labor Day
I’m not saying this is the sexiest peach pie I’ve ever seen, but it comes with a parental guidance warning.
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