Top 10 Worst Schools in Books

Posted on September 27, 2022

by Eric P

By now, most folks in the area have found their way back to school for the fall. It can be a rough transition for everyone involved: kids, teachers, parents, administrators, staff. Trading summer’s comparatively unstructured vistas for strict deadlines and early starting times isn’t easy for anyone. Maybe that’s why so many authors write about rotten school experiences. So the next time you’re bummed out about doing math homework – or grading math homework – just remember: you could always put in for a transfer to one of these places.

Nicholas Nickleby cover image

Nicholas Nickleby 

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Here at Dotheboys Hall we nurture the leaders of tomorrow with a curriculum of practical courses like “Menial Chores,” “Advanced Menial Chores,” and “Nasty Porridge-Eating,” all under the tutelage of headmaster Wackford Squeers. Because as we always say: “With a name like Squeers, it’s got to be Dickens.”

Jane Eyre cover image

Jane Eyre 

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At Lowood School we run a tight ship but that doesn’t mean we can’t make time for some favorite extracurricular activities like flogging and consumption.

Portrait of the Artist book cover image

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man 

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Though Clongowes is one of the few schools on this list that also exists in the actual non-literary world, you’ll notice there are few lengthy excerpts from Joyce’s novel in our admissions brochures. That’s because we’d prefer to highlight our classically based education and stately architecture over our bullying and glaring injustices. Go Fighting Pandybats!

Catcher in the Rye book cover image

The Catcher in the Rye 


Pencey Prep. Come for the polo, stay for the phonies.

Carrie book cover image


eBook   |   eAudio   |   Book on CD   |   Playaway

Bates High School is a great place to be a student! Not such a great place to be a custodian. See you at prom!

Blubber book cover image


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Sure, students here at Hillside High may have trauma-induced self-esteem and body image issues, but we’re proud to say they also graduate in an off-the-charts percentile for knowledge about the whaling industry for some reason.

Matilda book cover image


eBook   |   eAudio   |   Book on CD   |   Braille

Welcome to Crunchem Hall Primary School where our commitment to discipline is as ferocious as it is arbitrary. Got pigtails? Good luck with that! Got telekinesis? Then you’ll probably do okay.

Bailey School Kids book cover image

Vampires Don’t Wear Polka Dots 

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The first time a bunch of kids in your school wrongly conclude that an authority figure is some kind of a supernatural creature, it’s kind of cute and quirky. The seventy-fifth time it happens, it might mean they have trouble weighing evidence and assessing information. I’m saying you might want to get them looked at. But here at Bailey School we like to chalk it up to persistence. And our after-school Conspiracy Theory club is the biggest in the district!

Never Let Me Go book cover image

Never Let Me Go 

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At Hailsham Boarding School we care deeply about each student’s emotional well-being, intellectual development, and kidneys. Especially the kidneys.

The Magicians book cover image

The Magicians 

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At Brakebill College we like to say that magicians are just like regular people. Which mostly means that magicians are dysfunctional jerks.

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